As a rule, I’m offended by tasteless, poorly produced, stiffly acted advertising. But there’s one category of work I’m willing to make a glorious exception for.
Owners as pitchmen.

Here in Milwaukee, we’re treated to a teeth-grinding daily display of self-generated work that’s so awful, it’s actually entertaining. Now I realize the economy sucks and ad budgets are tight but people please! Some of you should really get a focus group of individuals other than your family or lackey employees to review the work before it airs.
On second thought, don’t change a thing.

I mean what could be better than the Rosen brothers standing side-by-side hawking cars – one reading cue cards while his brother unconsciously lip synchs the words?
Poetry!

And while we’re on brothers, consider the fabulous duo of Arvid and Ben Huth bringing us episode after episode of PM Bedroom Gallery spots. These guys are no doubt sincere but come off as clumsy as a dorky high school freshman asking a girl to homecoming.
Give me more!

How about the Lenz brothers who want to sell me a pickup but what I really get from them is a WWF Smackdown worthy pitch complete with finger pointing and testosterone fueled yelling? All that’s missing is their threat to break my pencil neck.
Thank you sir, may I have another?

Let’s talk law firms. David Gruber pounds his “one call, that’s all” mantra with a sinister smile and a promise to make a house call to those who “don’t want to drive across busy Milwaukee traffic to visit his office.” Wow! Maybe he’s got a mobile office that tracks ambulance movement the same way Helen Hunt goes after F5’s in Twister. Then there’s Bob Habush whose sugary sweet disposition is unnerving as he tells us he’s not going to tell us about all the charitable works his law firm does (he just did).

And there’s Weigel, Carlson, Blau & Clemens who advise us to “Don’t’ drop the ball, make the call.” Now that cheesy line would be bad enough but it’s accompanied by hideous clipart of 1940’s vintage cars slamming into each other.
Awesome, awesome and awesome!

I can’t forget Marcia Mathers of Laacke & Joys whose store sells great gear but unfortunately uses the theme line “When nature calls you…outdoors.” Quite possibly, the only advertiser whose theme line makes me want to take a leak.
How refreshing.

I know there are many I’ve missed. I didn’t even get to radio (where a mortgage company owner describes himself as the “chief honesty officer”), web sites or social media. I’ll address those later. But for now, I leave you with the comforting image of Mary Ann Scaffidi of Heiser Toyota telling us with all the sincerity she, and her overlit face, can muster that “…we’re not going anywhere.” I really hope you don’t Mary Ann. I really hope you don’t.